No One Else To Blame


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What’s wrong with our world today? Our kids don’t like to go outside and play. They stayed glued to the television as if it was the last day before the cable gets shut off. They are constantly looking down at their electronic devices, using them to type messages rather than communicate verbally with their friends. Everything is electronic now. You rarely see a kid on his bike any more. Most toddlers are riding battery operated toy cars. What’s happened to our youth? Are they to blame for taking advantage of the high tech age they live in?

I’m 40 years old now, and I look back on my youth and reminisce about all of the stuff I did growing up. Getting a bike for Christmas was always the highlight of my existence. I looked forward to riding it to my friends house all summer long. I rode my bike to baseball practice every afternoon. It made me mobile! Today, the word “mobile” is used to refer to an iPhone.

I watched one cartoon everyday after school. ONE! That was it. It was Tom & Jerry and it was only thirty minutes in duration. When it was done, outside I went! I had no preconceived idea about what I was going to do with my afternoon. I just went out and found SOMETHING to do. Our parents had to go out looking for us to get us to come back inside. They ALWAYS knew where to find us. And, they knew the phone numbers of each and every one of our friends.

As children, we hated getting up early every morning, but did so anyway. Our bodies just woke us up on time because we didn’t spend all night Facebooking or watching The Cartoon Network. Oh, but when Saturday rolled around, we were up at the crack of dawn! Everyone knew that all of the best cartoons were on at that time! We watched cartoons from 6am to 12pm. That’s right, we vegged for 4 hours and no one judged us for it. Mom and dad were usually home on Saturdays and breakfast and lunch were the best meals we’ve had all week! Homemade pancakes, eggs, grilled cheese sandwiches… man, the list could go on and on!

We all had our ideas on what a perfect world would be for a kid. We all dreamed of a 24 hours cartoon channel. We all dreamed about one day having the ability to stay connected to our friends non stop. We envisioned a world when we would no longer have to pedal a bicycle to get from place to place. What a great world it would be if we could have music blaring directly in our ears, so that we could play it as loud as we possibly could without mom and dad telling us to turn our music down or shut our bedroom door. Oh man, wouldn’t it be great if every time we got grounded and sent to our room, we could STILL watch TV and listen to music and talk to our friends? We would never have to leave our room at all! Punish us all you want, mom and dad!

Our children didn’t create the world they live in. We did…

Calling in Sick? Call Dr. Feelgood!


Before my Underdog Comedy blog, I blogged about finding loopholes in things. The following is one of my favorites:

“I’m not coming in to work again today, boss. I’m still sick.”

“You’re sick again? Ok, remember, if you miss another day, we’re going to need a doctor’s note.”
Whether you’re really sick or just need an extended time away from work, the “We need you to bring a doctor’s note” line can really cut in to your mini sabbatical. Let’s assume you really aren’t sick? What goes through your mind when you hear that….”….bring a doctor’s note.” ? Is your employer asking you to PROVE that you were really sick during those extended days? How in the world can you prove you were sick when you really weren’t??!! Is this really what your employer is asking you to do?
To answer that, let’s read a portion of one of my Employee Manuals;
—If you miss three (3) consecutive working days because of illness or injury, you must, before returning to work, submit a doctor’s release slip stating that you may return to work with no
restrictions. If restrictions are required, your return to work will be dependent upon your ability to
effectively perform your regular job, even with the restrictions.—
Ahhh, let’s read that again with NEW loophole EYES;
—If you miss three (3) consecutive working days because of illness or injury, you must, before returning to work, submit a doctor’s RELEASE slip STATING THAT YOU MAY RETURN TO WORK WITH NO RESTRICTIONS. If restrictions are required, your return to work will be dependent upon your ability to
effectively perform your regular job, even with the restrictions.—
Where, in that last paragraph, do you read, “…doctor’s note stating that you WERE REALLY SICK”? All your employer really wants is to know that you are NO LONGER sick! So, for the cost of a doctor’s co-pay, you can walk right in to your doctor’s office and say, “Doc, I need a clean bill of health!” and voila! After a quick check of your vital signs, your doctor will send you on your way with a release slip stating how healthy you are!
I challenge you to pull out your own Employee’s Manual and read between the lines for yourself. The loopholes are there, people, and all it takes is applying a few 5th grade reading comprehension skills !
Until next time!!
:~)

It’s Over…


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I am seriously considering leaving Facebook. I’m slowly starting to realize that, far from being a promotional tool to get the word out on my stand up comedy journey, Facebook is nothing more than a public stage open to anyone and everyone. How in the world is someone supposed to get noticed that way! I’m trying to do something that very few people can do, and that’s stand up on a stage, where 100% of the audience’s attention is on me and no one else. Their ears hanging on every word that proceeds out of my mouth. I’m alone up there and my voice is the only one that can be heard creating all the laughter in the room. No one there is laughing at anything else. When I’m up there, it’s all about me, me me!

Let’s face it, that is exactly what Facebook is. We login and read the Newsfeed, which is filled with countless of posts begging us to “Like”, “Share” and “Comment”. There is also a barrage of posts including funny quotes or lines that are often times not original. I think that’s what annoys me the most. Try this, next time you see a post with a funny joke or quote, which the person seems to be taking all the credit for, cut and paste the entire line to your Internet browser and watch how often it is duplicated as a search result will discover several sites containing the same line! What’s even more frustrating is that when other people comment on those posts, the person posting it continues to take all of the credit! Comments such as, “Oh Paul, you always make my day with your hilarious posts! How do you come up with them so often?” Then Paul will reply, “It’s not easy but you’re very welcome!” UGH!!!!!! Cutting and pasting IS VERY EASY!!! I hate to sound like an attention whore, but honestly, at least for me, if I am trying to stand out and represent myself and what I do as a stand up comic, then I need to think of original ways of doing so. I can’t rely on a social network where originality is thrown out of the window. Succumbing to the temptation of visiting my Facebook makes me no different than everybody else. I can’t keep doing that if I hope to one day create a following that admires me for what I do and how I do it. Yes, I’m looking for that admiration but even more so, I’m looking to STAND OUT in a day and age where everyone else already does….

Signed,

The Underdog Comic

(Insert Rocky Theme Music Here)


A few months ago, I blogged about losing weight to improve my health and, materialistically, my appearance on stage. 3 1/2 months later, I’m happy to report that I am almost 20 pounds lighter and have lost 5 inches from my belly! The transformation has not made me funnier, but it has given me the confidence to get up on stage and do what I do with that extra special bit of attitude! I have eaten a low carb diet and have implemented a 6 day work out week.

My workouts involve weight training and cardio and I alternate the 2 each day. Considering that I am weightlifting, I do not put much stock on the weight scale, as that can be extremely deceiving. As I lose the weight, I increase muscle mass, so losing inches around by belly has been more important to me than what any scale reads.

Okay, rather than make this a boring “How to lose weight” blog, I want to share how it is that I would mentally prepare myself for every meal and every work out. I think that makes all the difference if you are trying to accomplish what I have so far. You’ve heard it time and time again, “Eat healthy and exercise”. It really doesn’t get any simpler than that. That hard part is in convincing yourself to follow through. Here is my 4 Step Plan:

1.  Choose a 12 week exercise plan. Pick up a magazine like Men’s Health or Women’s Health, two of the best resources I can recommend.

2.  Start a Low Carb diet. You can pick up any good resource at a library or book store. The meals are great and once you understand why it works, you’ll be even more motivated!

Steps 3 and 4 are purely mental and here they are:

3.  After 1 day of implementing a good meal plan, and trying to motivate yourself to exercise, remind yourself of the following: “I DID NOT GO OUT OF MY WAY TO EAT HEALTHY TO END UP SKIPPING OUT ON MY WORKOUT!”

4.  If you struggle with eating healthy, then remind yourself of the following: “I AM NOT PUTTING IN ALL THAT TIME AND EFFORT EXERCISING TO ONLY RUIN IT BY EATING THE GARBAGE I’VE GROWN ACCUSTOMED TO!”

That’s it. That’s how I do it. If you have ever played a sport, you’ve heard coaches tell you over and over again, “This game is 90% mental” or something along those lines. The very same is true in your battle for weight loss and better health. Good luck!

Get It Done!


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Mike Tyson was the youngest Heavyweight Champion of the World at the age of 20. His past may have overshadowed his career, but I’ll never forget what he said when asked why he gets up at 4am every day to run. His reply, “Because I know the other guy is not doing it…”

One Day Away!


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Tomorrow, I’ll be taking to the stage at Laffs Comedy Caffe’ in Tucson! I’m incredibly excited about it and can’t wait to use my material on a professional stage! I’m desperately trying to find a ‘clothing style’ for my appearances. After a 12 year marriage and 4 kids, I think I’ve lost all sense of fashion. I’ll be doing a little bit of shopping in Tucson tomorrow and I’m hoping to find just the right clothes. I personally think that when a comic is still trying to make a name for themselves, it’s important to try to stand out from the crowd. Kinda like watching an 80’s Glam Metal band. Remember those guys?They stood out! They didn’t look like everybody else and we were hooked not only to their music but their look!

I’m certainly not saying I want to be THAT outrageous, but I do want to stand out somehow. If I ever make a splash in this business, then I can tone it down and maybe take the stage wearing basketball shorts and my favorite t-shirt. By then, my jokes should be enough. 🙂

You’re so Vain!


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At the risk of sounding really vain, I realized that as a performer, it is vital that I put my best foot forward. And considering that I am the center of attention when I take the stage, I want to make sure that, besides being funny and entertaining, I must do what I can to look good up there! Over the past year, I have neglected my physical health and have not worked out much, gaining at least 10 pounds in the process. With 2 comedy club gigs coming up, I have hit the weights again for the past 4 weeks and have been extremely strict with my diet. In that short amount of time I have gained some lean muscle and lost a few inches around my waist.

I realize that in stand up, the content of the performer’s material is more important to the progression of their comedy career, however, as conceited as this may sound, I want to appeal to as many of the audiences’ senses while I’m on stage. If anything, looking good gives me more confidence to get up on that already frightful stage and I’m looking to get an edge on every angle of this business. There are so many things that are out of a comic’s control but, I feel that it’s vitally important to quickly get a grasp on those things you do have control of.

I’m at the age where health is more important than looks, so I know I’m killing two birds with one stone. I either get myself back in shape or start writing new material about diabetes and high blood pressure.