Evil Twin


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My son asked, “Dad, if I had an evil twin, how would you be able to tell us apart?” I was like, “That’s easy…

1. “One of you would hide my remote control”

2. “One of you would put the empty carton of milk back in the fridge”

3. “One of you would keep leaving the toothpaste in the shower”

4. “One of you would leave an empty roll of toilet paper”

5. “One of you would keep my change every time I sent you to the store”

6. “One of you would yell at me, ‘I hate you!'”

And the other twin would be evil.

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George Carlin Was Not Funny To Me


George Carlin was a good performer. He was a good orator. He was a good and creative writer. But, to me, he was not particularly funny. I know the comedy world at large may frown upon that statement, but who in the world said I had to agree with everyone! I’ve listened to Carlin. I’ve watched some of his specials and have even watched his Tonight Show appearances. On one particular appearance, he rambled off a long list of items as part of his set. None of these items were particularly funny to me. In fact, during the 5 minute rant, I giggled once. Then again, the audience didn’t laugh much either. But ohhhhh, the fact that he was brilliantly able to ramble off a 5 minute list of cleverly listed items got his fan base’s full attention. Then, at the end, a rousing round of applause. I sat there thinking, “I thought this was supposed to be a stand up comedy routine?”

I will never reach the level of fame or recognition that George Carlin reached, but it does not mean that I have to admire him for his stand up comedy. What I do admire is, his ability to write, perform and create a fan base that was clearly devoted to him, even in death. I feel the same about Bill Hicks. Sure he was a ground breaker in the stand up comedy scene, but I didn’t find him funny. And I’m not obligated to. Here are a list of comics that I think are much more brilliant than they were:

Brian Regan
Jim Gaffigan
Mitch Hedberg
Nick Swardson

(Just to name a few). YouTube them. Then, YouTube Carlin and Hicks. Form your own opinion. I’ll respect it either way.

Oh, and if you are, by any chance, a rock & roll musician, you do not have to like “Stairway to Heaven” or even give a crap about Led Zepplin or Rush.

What ever dream you have, follow your own inspirations and don’t be scared to admit that you don’t follow the general consensus about anyone! After all, isn’t that what George Carlin, Bill Hicks, Led Zepplin and Rush did?

By the way, I loved George Carlin in the role of Popeye’s long lost papi in the movie, “Popeye”.

The Jokes Start Here


I’m done with posting my jokes on Facebook. Too many chiefs and not enough Indians. So, my blog will be my testing ground! Here we go!

Ugly people should not have attitudes. Look, unless you are Lady Gaga, Kid Rock or Lil Wayne, you need to drop the attitude. Have you ever seen a really good looking girl with an ugly guy? You’re like, “Why are you with him?” She’ll be like, “Well, he’s really kind and has a nice personality.” and I’ll be like, “He’s got no choice! The poor guy is already going through life with 2 strikes against him!”

Ever have an ugly person correct you? “Does anyone know where the street Devon Tree is?” They’ll be like, “That’s DEVONTRY.”— “I don’t think I was talking to you, Quasimoto.”

If you were to make a comment to someone like Cindy Crawford and she was like, “Whateva!”,  you’d feel like, “Yeah, that was pretty dumb of me to say.” But, if you were to comment to someone like Lindsey Lohan and she was like, “Whateva!”, you could be like, “You know, you’re miles away from where you were when you did “Mean Girls.”

All the Kardashian sisters could get away with attitudes. Except the skinny one. Someone should tell her she’s adopted.

I’m no Prince Charming. I have a big nose and 3 testicles. Ask me for an autograph and you’re sure to get one.

It’s Over…


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I am seriously considering leaving Facebook. I’m slowly starting to realize that, far from being a promotional tool to get the word out on my stand up comedy journey, Facebook is nothing more than a public stage open to anyone and everyone. How in the world is someone supposed to get noticed that way! I’m trying to do something that very few people can do, and that’s stand up on a stage, where 100% of the audience’s attention is on me and no one else. Their ears hanging on every word that proceeds out of my mouth. I’m alone up there and my voice is the only one that can be heard creating all the laughter in the room. No one there is laughing at anything else. When I’m up there, it’s all about me, me me!

Let’s face it, that is exactly what Facebook is. We login and read the Newsfeed, which is filled with countless of posts begging us to “Like”, “Share” and “Comment”. There is also a barrage of posts including funny quotes or lines that are often times not original. I think that’s what annoys me the most. Try this, next time you see a post with a funny joke or quote, which the person seems to be taking all the credit for, cut and paste the entire line to your Internet browser and watch how often it is duplicated as a search result will discover several sites containing the same line! What’s even more frustrating is that when other people comment on those posts, the person posting it continues to take all of the credit! Comments such as, “Oh Paul, you always make my day with your hilarious posts! How do you come up with them so often?” Then Paul will reply, “It’s not easy but you’re very welcome!” UGH!!!!!! Cutting and pasting IS VERY EASY!!! I hate to sound like an attention whore, but honestly, at least for me, if I am trying to stand out and represent myself and what I do as a stand up comic, then I need to think of original ways of doing so. I can’t rely on a social network where originality is thrown out of the window. Succumbing to the temptation of visiting my Facebook makes me no different than everybody else. I can’t keep doing that if I hope to one day create a following that admires me for what I do and how I do it. Yes, I’m looking for that admiration but even more so, I’m looking to STAND OUT in a day and age where everyone else already does….

Signed,

The Underdog Comic